While away from the office the other week, spending some time with friends, I opened my work email (perhaps my first mistake) and found a message with a semi-urgent tone, requesting a project be expedited. A project that remains with unanswered questions and ongoing discussion that the original plan should be revised. I composed a panicked email, then deleted it. Then wrote another email and showed it to my husband and friends, and then deleted it. Finally, I replied, “I don’t think we have all of the information we need. Let’s hold on this. Can we arrange a conference call for Monday to discuss?” The original message made me feel rushed and unsettled. My original (thankfully) unsent replies, made me feel pressured and defensive. My final reply helped me feel thoughtful, respectful, and measured. I had bought us some time. I had chosen patience…and it felt good and peaceful.

I’ll be honest, I don’t generally have a lot of patience. I move rapidly between tasks at work and at home. If something isn’t going as planned, I get frustrated. I want immediate feedback, a fast reply, a quick decision. I don’t like waiting for appointments, in traffic, in the grocery line, on my kids or my spouse, in the trauma bay or in the OR. In our “everything available right now” lives, we have reinforced to ourselves that we don’t have to wait for anything. I have grown to be selfish with my time, defensive of it, demanding with it. While those sentiments are often reinforced by social media, Amazon Prime, Grub Hub, and Kroger Click List, what I am teaching and re-teaching myself is that I don’t have to be patient. The bitter loss is that in the spaces between wanting then considering then requesting then receiving is the quiet, the feeling of peace that comes with being patient. The waiting for more information, accepting a deadline that passes that would have forced a bad decision instead of the right one. There is peace in patience.

With this on my mind over the past several days, I continued to slog through my morning study, Discerning the Voice of God . It’s been good. I have learned some things. But I started the study six weeks ago, I’ve almost finished it and I was pretty sure I had yet to really hear the voice of God. Until this past Thursday. Struggling with finding my way, my purpose, my goals and feeling overwhelmed with a new role at work, I have been doubting myself. Then this verse jumped right off the pages and into my head and my heart. Isaiah 50:4 (The VOICE) “The Lord, the Eternal, equipped me for this job—with skilled speech, a smooth tongue for instruction. I can find the words that comfort and soothe the downtrodden, tired, and despairing. And I know when to use them. Each morning, it is God who wakes me and tells me what I should do, what I should say.” I was so struck by this verse, that I hand copied it on a notecard and tucked it in my daily planner so I could read it again later. What I had interpreted as diligence in my study, was actually an act of patience. And the result left me feeling peaceful and calm and hopeful…and hearing the voice of God.

I am missing too many better answers, too many special connections with fellow humans, too many moments of peace, too many words from God, when I pass on patience. So I am challenging myself to a season of patience as the holidays approach. I don’t want to miss a thing and I want to bathe in the peace that comes with patience.

Disclaimer: My viewpoints are not necessarily reflective of my employer, or any local, regional or national organization that I belong to. As a matter of fact, I pretty much just speak for myself. Please keep that in mind.