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May 6, 2023
I got the chance to talk to a dear friend this morning. We are both surgeons, wives, and moms. We talk about our kids, our work, our marriages. And we talk about our faith. Or what’s left of it anyway. We both grew up in similar types of churches and shared a good number of similar conservative beliefs. But throughout the last few years, we have both been searching in our faith journey. Questioning, leaning in in some areas, and...
January 14, 2023
Several weeks ago, as my husband and I were leaving a social event, he could sense I was upset, angry even. I walked to the car with firm footsteps, my heels clicking the pavement with force and a rapid cadence. My arms were folded across my chest. My lips pursed. We had a rather lengthy drive home, so I knew we’d have time to discuss this matter. He could sense I was fuming. He, too, was not happy, as part...
November 6, 2022
I know I am not alone as I write this raw reflection on the disorienting events of the past few years. The faith that I grew up in and thought I understood but has hurt me instead. The politics that co-opted Evangelical Christianity and turned into a cult. The mass destruction of life through COVID and gun violence with little regard for science-based recommendations to stem the tide of death. The shocking tolerance, and even promotion, of racism, antisemitism, and...
September 25, 2022
I set out on my run this morning with a feeling of self-loathing, acutely aware of the 10lb that has crept onto my body in the last 2 years. Irritated and anxious to get back to the weight I feel best at, I laced up my shoes and started down the street. The music was thumping in my earbuds and set the tone for a pretty good run. Or run/walk, that is. I am out of shape. Within a few...
February 16, 2022
I quit my job. Actually, I quit my job 180 days ago, because that is the number of days my employer requested I give as “notice” when I signed my contract more than six years ago. Not two weeks’ notice. Not 90 days. 180 days. I quit my job before I had a new one lined up. And that was scary…the prospect of not securing a new job before that 180 days was up. I quit my job even though...
December 29, 2021
We’ve all read the headlines. Scrolled through our social media. Talk to almost any healthcare provider these days and you will hear words like “exhausted”, “overwhelmed”, and “disillusioned”. The more angsty of us will add “exasperated”, “wounded”, and “given up on humanity”. I have to admit. It’s bad in here. Patients everywhere. Tired staff. Demonstrably preventable death all around us. So it’s pretty easy to get into a downward spiral of doom. What is more, we have seen the worst...
October 23, 2021
Sonder — noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own — populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries, and inherited craziness — an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing...
August 18, 2021
“Here’s $20. Go buy a pitcher of good beer. You deserve it,” he winked as he slipped the crinkled bill into my now husband’s hand. We were two young kids at my cousin’s wedding, standing near the cash bar. We’d just started dating. And he could see the love in our eyes. I was his grandbaby. A tender 20 years old. And he saw the man at my side, who’d really only been there a matter of months, and he’d...
May 2, 2021
On busy days, my desk is a random collection of papers and objects. In a rush between receiving trauma patients and bouncing between meetings, I toss things down and plan to deal with them later. The other day, I glanced over and saw a scalpel and a tube of nice lip gloss resting next to each. Random for sure, but also stopped me in my tracks. It’s not uncommon to find a surgeon with a scalpel in their pocket…at the ready...
January 27, 2021
Our hearts beat somewhere around 80 times per minute, every minute, of every day, of every year…until we die. When we are stressed, our hearts beat faster; stronger. When the heart squeezes, we call it systole. Our hearts are incredibly strong and efficient, never really resting. But the faster they beat, the less time they have to fill up between beats, the period we call diastole. When diastole is too short, our hearts remain relatively empty and don’t fill up...